Showing posts with label Harmony. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Harmony. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

3 Stories and Now.

Duty hasn't been very light lately this time. My shift hours have changed to 6pm-6am like last time. That gives me some respite from the scorching heat during the day, but the night has its own can of worms. Where the day has searing temperatures, the night has very high humidity. Occasionally a wind sweeps by, taking with it our blessings.

A few days back, I volunteered to go to the top of the Derrick, called the Crown. The Derrick is the steep triangular structure typical to a rig. Our crown, the top of the derrick, is approximately 200ft from the rig floor. The rig floor is a good 130ft above the Main deck of the rig. And the main deck looms a 100ft above the sea. So that makes the Crown roughly 400ft above mean sea level, almost as much as a 30-story building.

And that's when I came to know a very crucial thing about me. One that I was curious about since as long as I can remember. I don't have Acrophobia, the fear of heights.

My mother often told me stories of my naughty childhood. And there were so many stories, I tell you. In one such story, however, she says I always used to love eating, and showing off my food in style to all the neighbors at the same time. So whenever food was served, I used to ask Maa to mix all the food together, essentially rice and curries, and feed me with her own hands. I remember being fed by her even years after my sister was born (and she is good 6 years newer than me). Although I learnt to walk early, eat myself even earlier than the regular kids (as Maa says), I still preferred being fed by my mother. I think I still do.

So I was probably about 5 then, Maa used to serve food, mix them and I would run across the front door and the porch, to the gate of out independent house in Rajahmundry, Andhra. I would climb onto the pillars supporting the main gate and perch myself on one side, almost 7ft off ground. And Maa had to always come and feed me there during the day, and I would eat and chat with my neighbor Bobby and Vinitha in Telegu.

When I was around 13, around the time I was preparing for my Swimming Nationals, during one Summer break, a special Coach visited our Club. He was a National Champion and had represented the nation in the Commonwealth Games. By profession, a constable with the Local Police. I always reach the pool early, before anybody else, and when the cleaning was still on. This coach, Ravi, used to practice, dance rather, during this time. He was like a Dolphin. He taught me to cover the entire length of the pool, 75ft to be exact, Underwater. He said he liked my eagerness and interest in Swimming. But always advised me never to make it my profession. He believed hobbies are to be kept strictly separate from the professional life.

One of those days, he said he would teach me how to dive. I said I already knew how. He smiled, turned away from me, walked to the ladder, and climbed. We had 3 diving boards: Base Level, 15ft and 40ft. Ravi took the 15ft board and took his stance. Jumped. Took a reverse somersault and entered the waters in a clean, splash-less dive, straight into the depths. I jumped with joy and started running towards the ladder. Normally the top 2 diving boards were off-limits. But after I received Ravi’s signal I ran to dive. Ravi cried out, ‘Just jump today. I will teach you to dive later. And dive straight.’ I kept climbing. I crossed the 15ft board, Ravi shouted not to go higher. I was still climbing. I just had to jump that day. I might not have another chance, I thought then. At the top I took my stance and Ravi went silent. And watched. I jumped. Ravi later said I took four forward somersaults before hitting the water with a loud splash. I had a sore, red back for almost a week, but never missed a Swimming session.

My stint in Kota wasn’t a very happy one all the time. It taught me a lot of things. And most of all it taught me to see myself as I am, when I was alone. I used to fight with my parents, mostly my mother almost every other day. We lived in a 50story building (that we still live in). Whenever I had a fight I would go to the terrace of the building, sit on the ledge, my legs dangling on the outside. The spot had a nice view of the Opera Hospital Road, Talwandi Circle, Paani Tanki, Om Cineplex in the distance and a super busy road. My parents came to know about the spot when I had already left Kota for college.

After one such fight, at night around 2AM, I came up frustrated with my parents, and myself. I sat on my regular spot, with my feet dangling freely. In was very quiet that night. No dogs even. In the distance I saw four bright headlamps moving parallel to each other in a straight line and at a slow pace. When they came near I spotted four Karizmas, all black, four leather jacketed and black helmet riders. One of the riders looked up and I think he saw me. And they left sooner than they came in. By then I had forgotten about the fight and I left to sleep.

About 10 days later, after a similar fight, again at around 2AM I was in the same spot. I had come there many times in the last 10 days, but not this late. Tonight was colder than usual. I carried along a Shawl. There was a steady breeze. No dogs, again. That night I saw the four headlamps again. This time I had made up my mind to wave at them if anyone looked up. They came closer, I got ready to wave. But then they came to a halt. Parked the Karizmas parallel to each other, blocking the entire width of the road, on their side stands, headlamps still on. All four got down, took off their helmets. Long hair. They were all young women. All in their primes. Desirable and attractive. Supremely bold.

And they all were looking at me. One of shouted out, “Kaisa hai?” I stood up on the ledge, adjusted my shawl, my heart beating madly in its cage. I managed a smile. I hardly hope it was noticed. The road was well lit, but I don’t think I was. After what seemed like a long pause another slightly plump one cried out, “Alag hona asaan nahi Bachhe. Soch le, bohot mushkil hogi.” That was weird. I had no comeback. And all this time they all had their eyes fixated on me only. They did not even chat with each other.

The first one, this time said something I couldn’t hear distinctly. I still kept mum, pacing slowly on the ledge. I was still tongued-tied, like I always was in front of women. I was surprised I at least managed my gait. They got on their bikes, and one said, “Take Care Buddy”. I waved at them, finally. They waved back. One, on the extreme right, who hadn’t spoken this entire time, blew me a flying kiss. And then they vroomed away, never to be seen ever again. The halt lasted hardly in seconds, the night, however, had just begun.

On this Wednesday, I climbed the Crown, it was an exhausting climb up the steep ladder that was almost up. On reaching the top, I squatted on the grating below me and breathed heavily. It was early in the morning, around 7AM. Slightly cloudy, the sun pepping from behind the cloud in bright orange, a cool breeze and pitch silence. I looked down, through the grating, 200ft below, all those huge Roughnecks looked so tiny. The giant pulleys around me were rotating at breakneck speeds. Eerily silent, dangerously fast. And the deep blue waters all around, the magnanimous sea, the orange reflection of the Sun, a few rigs in the horizon, and me. That moment almost felt as if time had actually stopped. That moment did stay, for long.

Having finished all the inspections I went up for I got down after about an hour and took a halt at the Monkeyboard, which is halfway up to the Crown. A monkeyboard is where a Derrickman works. You have to see YouTube videos to get an idea of what he actually has to do. I tried my hand at it. It gets scary at times, thankfully for me not because of the height but the heavy machinery around. And then I knew another thing about me. The fear of heights is completely different and independent of the fear of falling from heights. And I do have the later.

4th week going on. Just a few more days left. We had a Flare here today. 'Flare'. Does ring a bell, doesn't it? But that's a story for another day. ;)

Till next then
Ciao.


Thursday, June 21, 2012

Maybe…Maybe.!

Most of my posts are triggered by some or the other thing/incident I come across in life. Almost all of them are based on what happen to me, and what I do about them. I generally have a reaction only to events of massive proportions. I need to let them out of my system, and that is the main reason I let them out, because if I don’t, I can not be at peace with myself. On those days, I do not sit to think what to write, because that thought has already taken root in my mind long time ago, whenever what happened, happened.

But today, I feel different. I find it difficult to express, really. I do not feel the need to blog, because nothing of that sort has happened with me, today, or in near past, for that matter. I do not feel agitated about anything worth mentioning that has happened to me in recent times, or so I think, and maybe, feel. Today, I feel free. Away from all chaos in life. I am sitting here, thinking what to blog about, actually. Do I write about the rain, that is yet to come? Or the strong wind outside? Do I mention the heavy Desi dinner I had today, or that my prof. has asked for a treat and a good chat, and I am very much looking forward to it? Or that a couple of my lady profs wanna go out on a date with me? (Or so they said! Winking smile )

Its 04:20 in the morning, and I am wide awake, no pressure of any deadlines, or exams, no tension even. My fingers are urging me to write, but my mind is lazy. It isn’t in an agitated state, maybe that is why its giving me no signals, or suggestions. But I will write. I want to. Not need to. Want to.

Today all somehow feels quiet. Serene. Or maybe this is the quiet before the coming storm. Maybe this is the still before the menacing pace of life ahead. Maybe! In that case, I better gear-up for the same. Will start with a couple of hours’ sleep.

Till Next then.
Ciao

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Harmony & Disharmony

For those that define Harmony as the natural state of existence, or a state that we should aspire to, I have a question:

Does the Universe not exist in constant battle between contradictory forces of Harmony and Disharmony? Like the sunspots of the Sun, the Universe too tends to explode out of itself and then is pulled back by a contradictory force?

Would the Universe and everything that existed in it not be completely dead and non creative if there was a continuous stable non moving state of Harmony? And the same would go for us, in any form you may decide to see ourselves. Our consciousness, our soul, or our ‘five senses self’. The one law of creativity, of existence, of consciousness, of life itself, all that exists, or potentially exists, does so between extreme contradictions.

After all, Good can only be described in the context of Evil and vice versa. So what is that state that is one of complete acceptance (oops – here we go again in that word) which is neither good nor evil, nor moral or immoral, nor active or inactive, that is neither violent nor non-violent ? That has form but no recognizable form? A state that defies all adjectives, nouns or verbs we can think of, a state that exists without context with anything else, that is complete within itself yet completely infinite and incomplete?

For those that claim to have found that state which is often described as 'nirvana' (Hinduism) , or 'shunyata' (Buddhism) , or the eternal life (Islam and Christianity), I assume have encompassed the forces of contradiction and disharmony within themselves, battling neither, so experience themselves as the Universe and Eternity themselves. They are neither one nor the other, but part of a stillness that allows the battle to rage within. Knowing it to be an eternal battle, but able to smile upon it.

For me, I am still part of the battle, but learning that being buffeted by contradiction and giving into the contradictory forces is just the first step – the step that gives into the unknown without resistance. Or atleast active resistance, for the mind and the ego still rebels. The first step is to accept Chaos as the natural order of things, before reaching and yearning for that which is called 'enlightenment' or inner stillness, or whatever word and religion or philosophy chooses to use.

So forgive me if I question those that seem to emphatically KNOW. I don’t. I yearn to experience, and wonder at people that say they know. Is it mere knowledge? Or is it experience? Is it intellectual or is it emotional? The only people I meet that seem to be completely comfortable with contradiction (or duality as it is commonly called) are children , who have not yet been taught to separate completely that which is imagined and that which sensed.

I see everything I write here as huge question mark. A search and questioning, and sharing that yearning with others.

Till Next then
CIAO

Thursday, April 26, 2012

INVICTUS.


Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul


--William Ernest Henley

Friday, February 10, 2012

Did you hear the Whisper?

Did you hear the whisper
that floated by,
that you thought
was your mind
playing games
as usual?
Consumed
as you were
by the noise
inside your head,
did you hear the whisper?
That you tried to catch
but wafted away
even before you could listen?
Did you hear the whisper
like a gentle song
in a distant land
trying to come through
in the roaring traffic
of everyday existence
Did you hear the whisper?

If only I could. Or did I...

Till next then
CIAO

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Color, Life & People…

Why do we still see in color?
When color came to film, it was a thrilling moment. We celebrated the richness of the colors and they’ve only sharpened over the years. Today our images are even more alive, our colors more vibrant.
Yet, while we celebrate color in the digital world, why don’t we do the same in the real world?  Why do we still stop there?  Why do we build so many differences – race, ethnicity, religion, class?  Why?
As one who’s traveled widely, well, almost, it’s become quite apparent that people are people, no matter what color – pink, purple, green even! It’s become apparent that our frustrations, worries, concerns, fears are so universal.  That is why great art, literature, and music sees no divide.  Because its message is of human emotion.
We are creatures who oddly think of others before ourselves many times.  We are inclined to bend to the wishes of family and dear friends, even if they are against our deepest desires.  We gravitate towards what we are told us “right.”  But what is “right?”  Is it my “right”?  Is it your “right”?  Who came up with “right”?
And in the mad cacophony of voices in our head, we forget our own.  What if we do not see the differences?  What if we do not see color, race, ethnicity, religion, or class?  Should we, because the world does as well?  Should we, because our families do as well?  Should we, because it is easier that way – to drive in the lane that you’re currently taking?
The questions seem endless.  And yet, the answer repeatedly seems to be the same — no.
But, we live only for a few moments, only a few years on this planet, only a short lapse in the grander scheme.  Why not please ourselves?  Why not be guided by unfiltered passion?  Why not go blind, using only what we feel?  Why not be absolutely true to our deepest wishes?
Because it is difficult?
But nothing is difficult.  As I’m told repeatedly, life is simple.
People complicate it.
Till next then…
CIAO

Friday, January 20, 2012

Winter-mania

I love the winters. I love the way ice cream tastes in he cold. I love the winters for its glamour. People wear all kinds of colors. Everyone likes to look good. Everyone looks jolly. The mood feels light. The mind feels good. The winters bring out the quilts. And what is better than a chilly night outside and a warm quilt inside, some pop corn and a good movie? I love the winters.
The sleeping hours get stretched. And the people, they always, somehow, don’t smell as horrid as during the summers. The woolens have their distinctive odor, that retro-kinda odor. All kinds of fashion are acceptable during this season. You wear whatever you like without anyone eyeing at you as if you were a fashion disaster, not that it matters anyway.
And the food. Hot food is always welcome. Suddenly you start liking tea. The markets get flooded with all kinds of veggies, fresh, exotic. One can derive way more pleasure cooking now, than during the summers.
But then, every morning we wake up to news of more people dying of the cold in certain regions of the nation. On one hand, where winter mornings always manage to make you feel ecstatic, on the other, these kinda news sinks your heart. How can the exact same thing be so blissful to some, and live-threatening to another? Nature has his own deadly sense of humor, a practical joke. Its disheartening. Some would say, “What can I do if some are poor?”
True. You, probably can not do much. But then there are ways in which you can contribute your bit to the society. It is curious how only 10% actually do something for the society, without any material incentives. Also, only another 10% have absolutely no heart to do anything for the society. Now, what about the rest 80? They are like me. In the midst. Willing to do their bit. But directionless. If only happiness could be exchanged through Bluetooth.Or say telepathy. The earth would have been a much happier place. If only...
Till Next then..
CIAO.

Monday, January 16, 2012

The Alien and me.


Suddenly my view of myself and the universe, would, in that instant be changed, re-evaluated, all the questions I asked from that moment on would be different. Context would be different,
If I came across an Alien today.
What would I say if there were words. Would I shake hands if there were hands ? Or indeed if there was form ? Or would I ignore the Alien as a mere figment of my imagination. And what is wrong with a mere figment of my imagination ? What did I impose upon myself that a figment of of my imagination could never be a figment, perhaps the most significant figment of my existence.
Why have I allowed that being without form, that being that dreams, that being that imagines, that being that continually sees life as play. Why have I allowed that being to turn into an Alien living in a cage of suppression. Knocking on my door from inside my mind.
As the knocking gets louder, pushing against the mundanity of habittuality that takes over as existence, it’s time to let the Alien out. For there is always an alien sitting inside us that is knocking at the doors of our mind with figments of imagination – but over the years we start ignoring those figments as impractical madness.
What is practical anyway ? Or should I say, what is more practical, or, better still, real? Me? Or the alien within me?