To see or to sense?

Do we sense things beyond the world we construct from our ‘five senses’? I am sure we do, and there is enough scientific data to prove that. But does our reliance on our ‘five senses’ hinder our ability to truly sense things. Are the yogi’s right when they say that we should shut out the world to truly ’see’ the world.

All of us have had such experiences, and most of us deny ourselves those experiences, by calling it a play of imagination. But in my experience, these moments have been of extreme simplicity and clarity. The sensing is of the unity of all things beyond analysis and understanding, in the realm of experiencing. These are meditative moments that force you into the clarity of ‘now’. Not always in meditation – but events that can lead to that which meditation is hoping to achieve.

In one such moment I actually decide to write at random, about my experiences with the 'beyond'. I do not meditate, not the conventional way, anyways. And its not exactly meditation that's the aim here. I am trying to get to where people get to with conventional ways of meditation, but just without meditation. Your senses will react to the surroundings by default. It is when you take full control over all your senses, your sense of sight, the touch, the smell, when you are totally in control over all your senses, that perhaps is when you have attained the desired result of meditation. To meditate, is to look into yourself, feel every molecule in you, every movement inside your body, every sound it makes, the feel of owning yourself and at the same time, being fully aware of your surroundings. And people have numerous ways to do that. I ride.

And it isn't something I have done for a very long time, but long enough to understand that I was born to do that. I was born to ride. Most people find it an activity they have to do in their lives to move from Point A to Point B, as part of their lifestyle, a compulsion of sorts. I somehow, find solace while I ride, whether it be for work, or any other purpose, I seem to always look forward to it, At 3 in the noon under the scorching sun, or be it too windy, or be it 5 in the morning on a particularly chilly winter, it always seems to lighten my mood, and cheer me up. But we are not here to see me be cheerful. What happens after, is what intrigues me.

Whenever I take a long ride, I mostly go for an open face helmet, a light backpack with my camera, phone charger, a change of clothes and chocolates and just leave. And there are stages to what I feel. I will probably check on the health of the motorcycle at first. Then I will start enjoying the wind, be cheerful. But then after some time, the difference between 'happy' and 'sad' somehow seems to dissolve. There is no emotion. No thoughts too, for that matter. Just the moment. That very moment. And it feels like a long empty bridge that connects your senses to you. And you look at yourself. 

It's something I tell you. surprises me all the time. I would not be particularly concentrating on the road, to ensure a safe ride, its like the subconscious takes care of that by itself. What happens to the conscious, you'd ask? I think, and it is just a hypothesis, the conscious surrenders to the subconscious. Your senses are so much in sync with each other, they feel and sense as one single unit, in perfect harmony. And I think in that particular moment one is fully in control over their senses, even though consciously they aren't making any effort to do so whatsoever.

And that brings us to the final question. What we see and sense in regular life, is that all a lie? I ask because it is quite different from what I see when I have that clarity of thought. It's like our senses are somehow muddled during our day to day lives, while we interact with people and situations around. What do we believe in, and what not? And in our 'busy' lives is it too much to ask for a clarity of thought every once in a while, a little solace for ourselves?

Till next then
Ciao

3 Stories and Now.

Duty hasn't been very light lately this time. My shift hours have changed to 6pm-6am like last time. That gives me some respite from the scorching heat during the day, but the night has its own can of worms. Where the day has searing temperatures, the night has very high humidity. Occasionally a wind sweeps by, taking with it our blessings.

A few days back, I volunteered to go to the top of the Derrick, called the Crown. The Derrick is the steep triangular structure typical to a rig. Our crown, the top of the derrick, is approximately 200ft from the rig floor. The rig floor is a good 130ft above the Main deck of the rig. And the main deck looms a 100ft above the sea. So that makes the Crown roughly 400ft above mean sea level, almost as much as a 30-story building.

And that's when I came to know a very crucial thing about me. One that I was curious about since as long as I can remember. I don't have Acrophobia, the fear of heights.

My mother often told me stories of my naughty childhood. And there were so many stories, I tell you. In one such story, however, she says I always used to love eating, and showing off my food in style to all the neighbors at the same time. So whenever food was served, I used to ask Maa to mix all the food together, essentially rice and curries, and feed me with her own hands. I remember being fed by her even years after my sister was born (and she is good 6 years newer than me). Although I learnt to walk early, eat myself even earlier than the regular kids (as Maa says), I still preferred being fed by my mother. I think I still do.

So I was probably about 5 then, Maa used to serve food, mix them and I would run across the front door and the porch, to the gate of out independent house in Rajahmundry, Andhra. I would climb onto the pillars supporting the main gate and perch myself on one side, almost 7ft off ground. And Maa had to always come and feed me there during the day, and I would eat and chat with my neighbor Bobby and Vinitha in Telegu.

When I was around 13, around the time I was preparing for my Swimming Nationals, during one Summer break, a special Coach visited our Club. He was a National Champion and had represented the nation in the Commonwealth Games. By profession, a constable with the Local Police. I always reach the pool early, before anybody else, and when the cleaning was still on. This coach, Ravi, used to practice, dance rather, during this time. He was like a Dolphin. He taught me to cover the entire length of the pool, 75ft to be exact, Underwater. He said he liked my eagerness and interest in Swimming. But always advised me never to make it my profession. He believed hobbies are to be kept strictly separate from the professional life.

One of those days, he said he would teach me how to dive. I said I already knew how. He smiled, turned away from me, walked to the ladder, and climbed. We had 3 diving boards: Base Level, 15ft and 40ft. Ravi took the 15ft board and took his stance. Jumped. Took a reverse somersault and entered the waters in a clean, splash-less dive, straight into the depths. I jumped with joy and started running towards the ladder. Normally the top 2 diving boards were off-limits. But after I received Ravi’s signal I ran to dive. Ravi cried out, ‘Just jump today. I will teach you to dive later. And dive straight.’ I kept climbing. I crossed the 15ft board, Ravi shouted not to go higher. I was still climbing. I just had to jump that day. I might not have another chance, I thought then. At the top I took my stance and Ravi went silent. And watched. I jumped. Ravi later said I took four forward somersaults before hitting the water with a loud splash. I had a sore, red back for almost a week, but never missed a Swimming session.

My stint in Kota wasn’t a very happy one all the time. It taught me a lot of things. And most of all it taught me to see myself as I am, when I was alone. I used to fight with my parents, mostly my mother almost every other day. We lived in a 50story building (that we still live in). Whenever I had a fight I would go to the terrace of the building, sit on the ledge, my legs dangling on the outside. The spot had a nice view of the Opera Hospital Road, Talwandi Circle, Paani Tanki, Om Cineplex in the distance and a super busy road. My parents came to know about the spot when I had already left Kota for college.

After one such fight, at night around 2AM, I came up frustrated with my parents, and myself. I sat on my regular spot, with my feet dangling freely. In was very quiet that night. No dogs even. In the distance I saw four bright headlamps moving parallel to each other in a straight line and at a slow pace. When they came near I spotted four Karizmas, all black, four leather jacketed and black helmet riders. One of the riders looked up and I think he saw me. And they left sooner than they came in. By then I had forgotten about the fight and I left to sleep.

About 10 days later, after a similar fight, again at around 2AM I was in the same spot. I had come there many times in the last 10 days, but not this late. Tonight was colder than usual. I carried along a Shawl. There was a steady breeze. No dogs, again. That night I saw the four headlamps again. This time I had made up my mind to wave at them if anyone looked up. They came closer, I got ready to wave. But then they came to a halt. Parked the Karizmas parallel to each other, blocking the entire width of the road, on their side stands, headlamps still on. All four got down, took off their helmets. Long hair. They were all young women. All in their primes. Desirable and attractive. Supremely bold.

And they all were looking at me. One of shouted out, “Kaisa hai?” I stood up on the ledge, adjusted my shawl, my heart beating madly in its cage. I managed a smile. I hardly hope it was noticed. The road was well lit, but I don’t think I was. After what seemed like a long pause another slightly plump one cried out, “Alag hona asaan nahi Bachhe. Soch le, bohot mushkil hogi.” That was weird. I had no comeback. And all this time they all had their eyes fixated on me only. They did not even chat with each other.

The first one, this time said something I couldn’t hear distinctly. I still kept mum, pacing slowly on the ledge. I was still tongued-tied, like I always was in front of women. I was surprised I at least managed my gait. They got on their bikes, and one said, “Take Care Buddy”. I waved at them, finally. They waved back. One, on the extreme right, who hadn’t spoken this entire time, blew me a flying kiss. And then they vroomed away, never to be seen ever again. The halt lasted hardly in seconds, the night, however, had just begun.

On this Wednesday, I climbed the Crown, it was an exhausting climb up the steep ladder that was almost up. On reaching the top, I squatted on the grating below me and breathed heavily. It was early in the morning, around 7AM. Slightly cloudy, the sun pepping from behind the cloud in bright orange, a cool breeze and pitch silence. I looked down, through the grating, 200ft below, all those huge Roughnecks looked so tiny. The giant pulleys around me were rotating at breakneck speeds. Eerily silent, dangerously fast. And the deep blue waters all around, the magnanimous sea, the orange reflection of the Sun, a few rigs in the horizon, and me. That moment almost felt as if time had actually stopped. That moment did stay, for long.

Having finished all the inspections I went up for I got down after about an hour and took a halt at the Monkeyboard, which is halfway up to the Crown. A monkeyboard is where a Derrickman works. You have to see YouTube videos to get an idea of what he actually has to do. I tried my hand at it. It gets scary at times, thankfully for me not because of the height but the heavy machinery around. And then I knew another thing about me. The fear of heights is completely different and independent of the fear of falling from heights. And I do have the later.

4th week going on. Just a few more days left. We had a Flare here today. 'Flare'. Does ring a bell, doesn't it? But that's a story for another day. ;)

Till next then

Ciao.

Harmony & Disharmony

For those that define Harmony as the natural state of existence, or a state that we should aspire to, I have a question:

Does the Universe not exist in constant battle between contradictory forces of Harmony and Disharmony? Like the sunspots of the Sun, the Universe too tends to explode out of itself and then is pulled back by a contradictory force?

Would the Universe and everything that existed in it not be completely dead and non creative if there was a continuous stable non moving state of Harmony? And the same would go for us, in any form you may decide to see ourselves. Our consciousness, our soul, or our ‘five senses self’. The one law of creativity, of existence, of consciousness, of life itself, all that exists, or potentially exists, does so between extreme contradictions.

After all, Good can only be described in the context of Evil and vice versa. So what is that state that is one of complete acceptance (oops – here we go again in that word) which is neither good nor evil, nor moral or immoral, nor active or inactive, that is neither violent nor non-violent ? That has form but no recognizable form? A state that defies all adjectives, nouns or verbs we can think of, a state that exists without context with anything else, that is complete within itself yet completely infinite and incomplete?

For those that claim to have found that state which is often described as 'nirvana' (Hinduism) , or 'shunyata' (Buddhism) , or the eternal life (Islam and Christianity), I assume have encompassed the forces of contradiction and disharmony within themselves, battling neither, so experience themselves as the Universe and Eternity themselves. They are neither one nor the other, but part of a stillness that allows the battle to rage within. Knowing it to be an eternal battle, but able to smile upon it.

For me, I am still part of the battle, but learning that being buffeted by contradiction and giving into the contradictory forces is just the first step – the step that gives into the unknown without resistance. Or atleast active resistance, for the mind and the ego still rebels. The first step is to accept Chaos as the natural order of things, before reaching and yearning for that which is called 'enlightenment' or inner stillness, or whatever word and religion or philosophy chooses to use.

So forgive me if I question those that seem to emphatically KNOW. I don’t. I yearn to experience, and wonder at people that say they know. Is it mere knowledge? Or is it experience? Is it intellectual or is it emotional? The only people I meet that seem to be completely comfortable with contradiction (or duality as it is commonly called) are children , who have not yet been taught to separate completely that which is imagined and that which sensed.

I see everything I write here as huge question mark. A search and questioning, and sharing that yearning with others.

Till Next then
CIAO

A Teacher Answers…

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life.
One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with 'education'. He argued, “What’s a kid going to learn
from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a 'teacher'?”
To stress his point he said to another guest; “You’re a teacher, Bonnie. Be honest. What do you make?”
Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied,
“You want to know what I make?”
(She paused for a second, then began…)
“Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.
I make a C+ feel like the Medal of Honor.
I make kids sit through 45 minutes of class time when their
parents can’t make them sit for 5 without an I Pod,
Play Station or movie rental.
You want to know what I make?
(She paused again and looked
at each and every person at the table)
I make kids wonder.
I make them question.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions.
I teach them how to write and then I make them write. Keyboarding isn’t everything.
I make them read, read, read.
I make them show all their work in math. They use their God
given brain, not the man-made calculator.
I make my students from the villages learn everything
they need to know about English while preserving their
unique cultural identity.
I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.
I make my students stand, placing their hand over their heart to
say the ‘Pledge of Loyalty’ to their Flag and their Nation.
Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they
were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life.
( Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.)
Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, with me knowing money isn’t everything, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant. You want to know what I make?
I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make Mr. CEO?”
His jaw dropped; he went silent.
Even all your personal teachers like mothers, fathers, brothers,
sisters, coaches and your spiritual leaders/teachers.
A profound answer!!!

Till Next then
CIAO

(P.S.: Dedicated to all the teachers/professors that made me what I am today.)
---Inspired from a poem by Taylor Mali.

Why was I born?

I looked for my true calling
I looked for my true purpose
What I am supposed to do on the planet
Why was I born ?
And I asked the question deep inside me
Beyond logic, beyond thought, deep in the bowels
Of the space where I connect to the Universe
Where I can be thrown into the raging storm of ‘not knowing’
And the answer hit me in an immense tidal wave of understanding
“You are your own purpose
Nothing more, and nothing less
A bundle of purpose and karma
All existing within itself
And the only thing holding it back
Is the separation created by
Words like ‘I’ and ‘my’ and ‘me’.”

Till Next then
CIAO

I am that.

I am
nothing more
but nothing less.
I am not
who you think I am
I am not
who I think I am.
I am
all that is
and all that is not.
I am
neither defined
nor definable
neither finite
nor infinite.
I am
that.
That was never born
or ever died.
I am
that has no word
to describe.
That I am.
I just
am.
 
Till next then
CIAO

Time for a Free Hug…!!

A couple of days ago, I was prepared to blog angrily about something that was sticking in my craw, namely the accusations of bias and expectations that pop into my life almost daily. They make any day terribly frustrating, especially at a time of high tension.
& then I got a free hug -- actually two of them -- and the world seemed a little better.

Feeling depressed and lonely after numerous personal difficulties, Australian Juan Mann was deeply touched by a random hug from a stranger at a party. What began as one person giving hugs in a Sydney mall eventually evolved into a worldwide social movement of individuals offering hugs to strangers in public places.
The "Free Hug" movement began with one man in Sydney, Australia, who decided to cure a case of the blues by going to a mall with a hand-lettered "Free Hugs" sign. His only motive was to spread a little cheer with a universal human gesture of kindness (In fact, he goes by a pseudonym -- Juan Mann -- to avoid personalizing the movement.) The idea took off in Australia, and eventually around the world, thanks in part to a music video by the band Sick Puppies that featured inspiring footage of Mann at work. (The video, which you can watch to the left, has been viewed 71 million times and counting.)

Sometimes, a hug is all that we need. The Free Hugs Campaign is a real life controversial story of Juan Mann, a man whose sole mission was simply to reach out and hug a stranger. He merely wanted to bring some joy into a fellow humans life.
In an age where human contact rarely seems to occur, this Sydney, Australian man started a virtual revolution. Visit YouTube to watch this amazing video and see how the public was inspired and rallied around Juan when the police decided to ban hugs.
“It’s a way to make people smile,” Mann said.
“For every person who gets a hug, you see five walk past with a smile on their face.”
I never realized how far a hug could go! The whole free hugs thing completely make anyone’s day. Hugging complete strangers really does break the barriers. And it really makes you a lot less paranoid when in a group of people you don't know.
And I love this. I was inspired. From today onwards…this entire year… Its FREE HUGS YEAR for me…
FREE HUGS to each & every one who needs it
FREE HUGS for all who believe in it…
New Fact from today: We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.
Hugs will make you healthier, younger, thinner, more relaxed, live longer, fight depression and make you age slower.
You should try it… Because even if someone isn’t hugging you, they’re walking by… feeling good

Till Next..
CIAO..!!